Hello my darling divas! This blog was inspired by a friend of mine who asked me if I had a particular word I claimed as mine–she had read a book that said everyone needed a word to hang their hat on, so to speak. As it turns out, I do have a word and have had it for a few years. That word is FEARLESS, and it sure came in handy during my divorce.
The morning that my ex told me to sit down, he wanted to talk, a shot of fear raced through my heart. The fear continued as he said he wanted a divorce and had wanted one for years, and when he confirmed that he was leaving me for a younger coworker. My first thought was, “How am I going to survive?” At the time I was unemployed and didn’t have a clue how spousal support worked, where I was going to live, or pay bills. Then gradually I remembered my chosen word–days later, actually. Once the shaking stopped and I regained some semblance of equilibrium, I decided I needed to face this situation head-on and figure it out. Women survived this all the time, I reminded myself. It would mean massive change, but I had gone through changes many times before and always landed on my feet. I decided to view this as an opportunity to start over with a clean slate rather than stay a quivering mess on the floor.
The nice thing about attitude is that you get to choose yours, any time, any place. Even though I went through phenomenal pain for many months, I made it through relatively unscathed because I reminded myself that FEAR stands for False Evidence Appears Real (from my days as a drug/alcohol counselor). This divorce would be what I made of it. Fear would cripple me; choosing to take one step at a time, with support from family and friends, allowed me to break the process into manageable chunks. The word FEARLESS also conjured up the image of myself as a warrior, standing up for myself, moving forward, letting go of things that no longer served me. And the thing is, once you step into that fearless space, possibilities open up, creativity sparks, and solutions appear. You find that you can create a new life out of the ashes, one that is more beautiful and satisfying than you thought possible.
FEARLESS has come in handy as I had to find a new place to live, downsize like crazy to fit into my very cute (but MUCH smaller) apartment, and get out into the dating scene. Especially the dating scene. It has allowed me to open my heart to love again. Powerful.
FEARLESS is my word. What is yours?
Liesel Darby, Divorce Coach and Diva